Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
