Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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