she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
