some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
