I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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