Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
