Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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