i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
