I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
