I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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