dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize