I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
