'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
