I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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