she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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