i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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