Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
