I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
