I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
