am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
