Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
