It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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