why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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