Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
