you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
