I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
