So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
