I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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