You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
