Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
