you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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