as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
