I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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