You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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