are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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