All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
