When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had sex on a roof
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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