you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
