She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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