did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
