direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
