im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
