Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize