And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
