What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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