I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
