I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he fucked my hip out of place.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize