she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
