He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
