Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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