I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
