dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
