I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
