i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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