His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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