Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just high enough for therapy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
