He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
