so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
