My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
