Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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